my life, as told in entry form

5:26PM

12:52AM

this is my goodbye post. while i read your entries, i do not update on here, which defeats the purpose of me having a journal. i find it a chore to update and make sure that you guys know i'm still here. i guess i'm just taking up space on your friends list, so it would be better just to remove me. i've just decided i won't be coming back from hiatus, so good luck with everything everyone.

thanks for those who have been with me for a while, i've enjoyed reading your journals and reading about your lives. i've changed a lot as a person in the past couple of years, and i appreciate some of you continuing to follow that.


i really wish the best in whatever you encounter in life :)

11:46AM

funny thing. i ran into jeff today, we have a class together. and we were talking about our weekends. and he said he had already heard about what happened at the party. hm...not many people knew about that outside of me writing about it in here.

thus, everyone i know in real life (excluding a couple of people outside of my high school) will be taken off the list. that sucks because theres a couple of you who i really enjoy reading this, so don't take it personally. take it out on people that enjoy disclosing information that i write in my journal.

hey people, its FRIENDS ONLY for a reason. hmm. and i have a sneaking suspicion who told jeff, but it's more or less speculation whether they got it right out of my journal or if someone else said something. but it's just easier this way.

so my apologies to those who haven't said anything. one person ruined it for a handful. sorry.

some people just don't learn.

12:48AM

this is an appology. for the missed opportunities. for the times i was afraid. for the time i should have felt comfortable in my own skin. for the times i should have just embraced what was going on in my life and loved myself. this is my appology for when i should have learned a lesson but turned a blind eye. for the fact that i let you go. for my weaknesses. for the moments i've had and may never have again with you. this is for the times i thought i loved you. this is my appology for not standing up and being stronger when you hurt me. for not believing in myself when i should have. for the moments i let you control me. for the moments i was abused by you. this is for hurting me. this is for hurting you. this is my appology for not being true to myself and to my heart when i should have. for my immaturity and selfishness. this my appology to those i have hurt. for the times in my life where i have felt meaningless. for not having enough confidence in myself. for criticizing every aspect of myself. this is for letting people get the best of me. for not being the person i know i am deep down. for the fights. for the nights i cried myself to sleep. for times i could have made a difference. this is an appology to myself for not trying harder. for the times i felt sorry for myself. this is an appology to you for having to read about my miserable drama and the fact that i talk about the same thing for months. this is for hope. for the times i ever hurt anyone. for the moments that still hurt me to this day. for not being a better person. this is for the times i was not true to myself. this is for every day and every minute of my life for not being thankful. this is for being inconsiderate to those around me. this is my appology to my friends, my family, my enemies. this is for those i encounter down the road in life. this is for allowing myself to be vulnerable. this is for the times i let you get the best of me. this is my appology for allowing you to take my spirit, for keeping a piece of my heart. this is for those who have hurt me more than they will know. this is for how stupid i was in high school. this is my appology for the life changing things i've done in college. for not chosing to have a voice when i know i potentially had one. for the things i will never get back in life.

this is me